The Education of Max Reddick: Things I've Learned while on Twitter

A few months ago after I first launched my blog, my blog big brother RiPPa of The Intersection of Madness and Reality suggested that I set up a Twitter account to assist me in publicizing it. I was a little skeptical at first, but I must admit that he was right. In the few months that I have been active on Twitter, my readership has grown in leaps and bounds.

Not only that, I am constantly amazed at the range of people who I have met since being on Twitter. I have amassed a little over 1,500 followers in the short time I’ve been on and that 1,500 includes people who I might never have met or had occasion to have a conversation with otherwise.

For instance, most of my Twitter-friends are either poets, writers, or bloggers, but I am also Twitter-friends with a voodoo witch doctor from the Mississippi delta, more than one hardcore gangsta’ rapper, a nudist or two, and a self-described marijuana enthusiast. In addition, I regularly tweet with an internet porn star and two female Twitter-friends who engage in sadism and masochism and run S&M sites.

The internet porn star always tries to get me to check out her site, but once I see you booty butt naked in various compromising positions, that changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. And the S&M ladies are always giving me relationship advice, telling me to try this or that, but the thought of being tied up and whipped on my naked behind with a riding crop just doesn’t do it for me.

I did buy studded leather thong drawers from one of their sites, but I threw them away after the first wearing because I couldn’t figure out how to get them clean, and I was too embarrassed to take them to my cleaners. Plus, the studded leather thong drawers made my naughty place sweat profusely and unnaturally.

In addition to all the people I have met, I have had to almost learn a new language. Because you have only 140 characters to express an idea, many of the most common terms must be truncated. For instance, thank you becomes simply TY. And by the way is BTW.

Some of my favorites though are WDDDA which means “where dey do dat at?” which is used to express surprise when confronted with something out of the ordinary, and ROTFLMBAO which means “rolling on the floor laughing my black ass off.” This one is to be used when something is extremely funny such that it forces you from your seat onto the floor where you roll around in raucous laughter until your behind detaches itself from your body. I have not had occasion to experience this phenomenon yet, but I have come close on occasion.

There are also acronyms that the tweet-peeps (that is how us real tweeters refer to ourselves) use to describe their lifestyles. I found out just yesterday that by adding LTL to your Twitter name identifies you as “Living the Life.” Now, “Living the Life” can mean one of several things. In the main, it means that you are “ballin’”, that you wear only the finest clothes and jewelry, drive only the finest cars, and drink only top shelf alcohol.

However, lately I am beginning to suspect that “Living the Life” means that you are being irresponsible with your flow (income) and spending money you don’t have on things that you don’t really need and that when I see you conspicuously and unexpectedly absent from Twitter for days on end, your fiscal mismanagement has caught up to you and your utilities to include your cable are probably in a state of suspension until you can get back on that come up (earn more money) so that they might be reinstated.

And I have learned even more useful terms as well. For instance, the other day my family and I were out and about all day and became very hungry. We stopped at a Chinese restaurant, and instead of me simply eating my meal, I “went in on it.” And I cannot tell you how much better the food tasted and how much more satisfying the meal was when I “went in on it” as opposed to simply eating it. Later in the week I “went in on” a McDonalds Filet-O-Fish with the same satisfying results.

Also, through Twitter I have been introduced to the concept of “going hard.” Recently I had a stack of papers to grade and a number of other tasks to perform, but instead of just approaching the tasks as I normally would, I decided to “go hard.” And before I knew it, I was completely finished and in record time. That going hard stuff really works, believe it or not.

So, thus far I have enjoyed my time on Twitter. Not only has it helped me to grow my readership and even keep me entertained at times, it has been a very educational experience. If you are not on Twitter, come on over and check it out. If you are and have not followed me yet, please do so and become a part of my Twitter experience.