Friday, January 8, 2010

I Saw You Yesterday (A miscellaneous scribbling from my writer's notebook)

Hey, you! It’s me. Surprised?

I saw you yesterday. I mean I am not so delusional to believe that it was actually you. But it was someone, some absolutely beautiful lady, who looked just as I guess you would look right now after all these years. At first my heart leapt and its pace quickened; I am not sure if what I felt was fear or surprise.

But the pretend you, the stand-in, just stood there seemingly oblivious to my presence, chatting with two small children, two beautiful and lively little girls, who so very much resembled the lady who looked so much like you.

And don’t laugh. Don’t believe that I have finally gone completely crazy. Perhaps it was just a flight of fancy. Or maybe I turned and you seemed to be standing there because for some reason you have been on my mind so frequently lately.

I guess your prediction finally came true. Or was it not a prediction but a curse? You said the day would come when I would find out what a horrible, egotistical little man I really was. That someone would come along and treat me exactly as I treated you. That someone would take me for granted just as I took you for granted. That someone would return my good with bad, my love with antipathy, my virtue with contempt.

And it happened just as you said, and it happened sooner not later. Does that make you happy? How does that make you feel?

I went through a long period when everything I touched seemed to turn to pure shit in my hands. Every relationship went bad even before it got started good. I was used. I was lied to. I was taken for granted. And in every instance when the truth finally came out—the truth always does—it was your face that came to mind. It was your voice that I heard in my ear.

And several times when I was at my lowest, I imagined that it was your arms thrown around my shoulders comforting me, quieting me, telling me that it would all work out in the end, that soon my lesson would be over.

And it finally did. The lesson finally ended. I met someone. And she is beautiful. Just like you. And she is gracious. Just like you. And she is wise. Just like you. And she is strong. Just like you.

And I am trying to do the right thing this time. I am trying to be the man you thought I was when you met me; I am trying to be the man you spent so much time and energy extolling me to be. Isn’t it almost ironic that you should invest so much time and energy in someone like me, and then I end up with someone else? Or should I even mention that?

But I’ll end now. I don’t want you to think that I have lost my mind or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I just wanted you to know that I get it now. I really do. And, also, every now and then you cross my mind and I smile. And I saw you yesterday, and I wonder if when you are out and about around town, do you ever see me too?


Denisha said...

This is really awesome! I love when men write anything related to's nice to know y'all have any at all.

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