Sunday, February 21, 2010

What the World Is Curling, and Why Am I So Obsessed with It?

Okay, today is my birthday. The word must have somehow gotten out because I’ve gotten mad birthday wishes, and it’s very humbling. Thanks everyone!

But anyway, today I’m walking around fall-down tired with my eyes all bloodshot red. However, I ain’t been partying, birthday or not. Instead, this past week I’ve not been sleeping. Now, I’ve been given to bouts of insomnia all my life.

In fact, I have been discussing my inability to sleep at night with a good friend of mine who has suggested a number of absolutely crazy remedies. But no matter how crazy the remedies, the insane thing is that I’ve tried them all but to no avail.

Yet, this week it has not been insomnia that has been keeping me up. It has been curling. I’ve been watching the Winter Olympics curling matches. Yes, curling. Curling seems to be my newest obsession. Oh, what is curling you say? Don’t feel bad. I barely knew what curling was when I started watching it. And I barely know now.

However, curling appears to be popular sport in some regions, most specifically Canada. And I can’t really figure out why it’s popular or why it’s even called a sport. This is how it all goes down. First of all curling is like shuffleboard except it’s played on ice. Just imagine an iced over shuffleboard court with a big bull’s-eye at one end.

Anyway, the curling match begins when this old dude who is usually several pounds overweight and seemingly out of shape crouches down close to the ice in this crouching tiger, hidden milk-cow pose with this heavy looking metal disc called a stone or rock out in front of him. Then somewhat he mysteriously begins to glide across the ice with the stone or rock, and after going a few feet, he lets it go.

Well, about this time, being crouched down in this unnatural post must begin to hurt him, because he then begins to yell, “ARGGGH! ARGGGH! ARGGGH!” Then his friends run out onto the ice with these nifty little brooms, but instead of them running to help him up, they begin sweeping the ice really vigorously in front of the stone or rock and yelling “ARGGGH! ARGGGH! ARGGGH!” too, but I can’t figure out what’s hurting them. Maybe they are yelling in sympathy for the other guy.

And I am not sure what they are even sweeping the ice for. As many times as they sweep it during a match, that has to be the cleanest patch of ice in the world. You could practically eat off that ice.

As they follow the rock or stone down the court sweeping like madmen, all the while the announcer is trying to make this foolishness sound exciting. He’s whispering into the mike like it’s a golf match or something, and he might somehow disturb the participants: “What an excellent shot. The stone is on its way down the course. He’s perhaps the only one in the world who could make this shot..” The camera then pans the audience and all five or six of the people in attendance yawn in appreciation.

If you still cannot get a visual, then perhaps this short video clip will help:

But what I cannot figure out is why I’m so obsessed with curling all of a sudden? I think maybe the networks are sending some kind of subliminal messages in their broadcasts are something. Or maybe the CIA has figured out someway of beaming digital crack through the airwaves just to keep brothers down like they did in the 1980’s when Reagan was president.

That would explain why I am up at three o’clock in the morning watching curling. And that would explain why I have spent so much time this last week researching curling when I should have been doing something else. And that would perhaps why I even did a Google search for a curling league in Florida. Seems like curling is not such a big deal in Florida, though.

I’m think I’m going to swear off this obsession cold turkey. It seems to be ruining my life and the Olympics are only about halfway over. But before I do, I just got to try this curling stance. Let me see if I can get down that low.

Oh my God. It hurts. It hurts! ARGGGH! ARGGGH! Somebody come help me get up out of the floor. I done got myself down here and can’t get up. ARGGGH! ARGGGH!


RainaHavock said...

I already told you twitter but I'll say it again. Happy Birthday! :D As for Curling I didn't know this existed till I saw the episode of the Simpsons

Renee said...

Happy Birthday and all the best for the new year.
As a Cannuck, I should also say that even we laugh it. I do have to admit that it gets fun to yell hurry, hurry hard. That aaarrrgh you think you're hearing is actually hard. There are even youth curling leagues here. I think that what is appealing about curling is the fact that no matter how old you are you can participate.It gets people out and that is feat, 'cause winter is damn cold here.

Max Reddick said...

Thanks for the b-day wishes, and Renee you say they are yelling "HARDER!"? Now it really makes no sense.

Redbonegirl97 said...

Happy Birthday!!! I love curling since it made it's way into my world 1998. People crack up saying how can I watch this idiotic sport, but it interesting to me. I like thingss that requires finesse and this sport def requires a bit of finesse. So people can laugh at me and call me a dope but I like it and I'm going watch it every freakin time it comes on.


md20737 said...

Go Shawty its your birthday. lol I have no idea how you let curling keep you awake lol

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Happy Birthday, Max!

There's something about curling that's mysterious and has a way of capturing your I saw a tweet the other day that said something to the effect of "I thought they were cleaning the ice. Didn't know it's a sport."

P.S. Enjoyed listening to you on Chele's show the other night.


Lyn Marie said...

Happy Birthday Max!

It looks like it might be fun especially after a couple of cocktails! :)
My question is with all of the different kinds of sports in the world why is it an Olympic event?

Lyn Marie said...

This history teacher would like to put a shout out for PBS this weekend. The film "For the Love of Liberty" is showing. It's about the contributions of Black soldiers from the Revolution to Afghanistan.

msladydeborah said...

I read about your birthday on FB.

I use to watch Curling when I was a kid. It is an unusual sport. I haven't caught the Olympics at night. I have been waking up early in the a.m. and watching about an hour of the televised events.

Have you ever tried Sleepy Time Tea? It is a staple in my home. I have a bio clock that resets to high energy when it is night time. You can purchase this tea at any grocery store. It is a herbal blend that induces sleep.

Peta-Ann Smith said...

My Jamaican born and raised, Canadian dwelling grandfather is enthralled with this sport. On one visit back home, he switched the TV onto the Canadian channel and sat glued before the screen. You know how a child sits silent and mesmerised when their cartoons are on, paying no mind to anything else? That was my Grandpa.

I sat beside him, looked at the TV, looked at him, looked back at the TV and then gave up trying to understand either the game or Grandpa. XD

LoudPen said...

Happy Bday SillieMaxie!

Oh and Curling?! 0_0 that gets a blank stare from me. Although, me & my friend did discuss her writing a screenplay about a curler and calling the film, "The Curler". We thought it would be fab since it's never been done before. Would you watch it Maxie? You know since you're an expert on curling these days. Maybe we could even bring you in to advise on the sport of curling so that the movie is as realistic as possible.

Renee said...

They are yelling hard. It's "hurry hurry hard". That indicates how fast they are going to move the broom.

SquarerootZ said...

Happy Belated brotherman. As always the post...Hee-La-Ree-Us!

Anna Renee said...

Oh I'm late to this one! Happy B'day Soulbrother! How old are you? Ha! One night my hubby was flicking through the channels as men as apt to do and we landed on the curling channel! But they were women--slowly sliding forward and slowly letting go of the stone. Wooowww! Something about the whole thing that's mesmerizing! Then the screaming and sweeping! Then when the stone clacks into another stone I was able to relate it to shooting pool. We decided to click from the curling channel before it was too late.

rikyrah said...

curling was hypnotic.

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