Battle of the Beard: What Matters Most? Appearance or Ability?

Occasionally I write about issues I face as a parent. And for the most part, these posts have been well accepted. However, I have received email and other feedback from readers who thought these posts were too highly personal to be posted on a blog. Yet, I do so because first and foremost, I desire this blog to be a place to exchange ideas, to work through questions and issues that although may be personal, others might be going through the exact same thing and asking the exact same questions.

That being said, when I was a young man, before I left the house each morning, my mother would give both me and my brothers and sisters the once over. When we left, we were expected to be well groomed and neatly dressed. My mother stood between us and the door and made sure our hair was combed, and we were all lotion-ed or Vaseline-ed up and shining like a new dime, and our clothes were neatly pressed, and our shirts tucked securely in our pants which were cinched tightly around our waists with a belt.

She would even do that annoying thing where she would wet her thumb with the tip of her tongue, and then wipe off any real or imagined debris on our faces.

Mother had three reasons for being so fastidious about our appearance. She reasoned, and perhaps rightly so, that our appearance had a bearing on our conduct, and that people often judged others by something so utterly superficial as their appearance. Lastly, and of most importance to her, she believed that how we looked and how we conducted ourselves outside the house was a direct reflection on her and my father.

Now let’s flash forward to the present. The summer before my youngest son’s last year of middle school, he begin grooming a beard. I don’t know. Blame it on the hormones in the food or whatever, but one day he was this little baby-faced middle-schooler, and the next day he looked like Grizzly Adams.

Shortly thereafter he sought me out to teach him how to shave. And we had this beautiful father and son moment. We stood in front of the mirror, and I taught him to treat the area to be shaved with a thin coat of Vaseline or lotion so that the razor didn’t come in contact with the skin. And to wet his face before applying the shaving cream. And to shave with the grain to prevent razor bumps.

It was a beautiful moment. But then a few months later, the summer before he was to enter high school, he declared that not only was he done shaving, he was not going to cut his hair anymore either. And over the course of the summer, he proceeded to grow this scraggly, nappy beard, and allowed his hair to grow into this unkempt, raggedy, pyramid-shaped afro.

I said nothing at first. I figured that sooner or later he would grow tired of it all, and then shave and seek out a haircut of his own accord. But when school started, he still had not changed his mind, so I took matters in my own hands and ordered him to the barber shop. However, he resisted, and my wife defended his decision with some argument about individuality and self-expression, so I eventually capitulated.

That was about eight months ago, and now he looks like an absolute wild man. Not only that, his wardrobe now consists of blue jeans, t-shirts or polo-styled shirts, and Chuck Taylors. He refuses to wear clothes with corporate logos or wear leather tennis shoes because of his concern for animal rights. And oh yeah, he has become a vegetarian.

In his defense, though, he may look like a vagabond, but he is a really good kid. He has never gotten into any trouble throughout school, not even a teacher phone call, and he makes good grades. Not only that, he attends a high school for the arts, and when I go to his school, all those damn kids look and dress weird to me, so he is not that out of place. In fact, amid the crazy tattoos and the piercings and the colored hair, he looks almost normal.

But in the same instance, this is my child. Every morning as he walks out the front door and I see his appearance, I grit my teeth. Nevertheless, I love him, nappy beard, raggedy afro, and all. But I do know how harshly African American males are judged because of their appearance; sometimes people can’t and won’t give them credit for the power of their intellect because they cannot get past their appearance, and I want him to be able to take advantage of every and all opportunity that comes his way.

Not only that, I see a number of young African American men, and women, too, for that matter, who fail to see how their appearance affects the opportunities available to them. But I'm being told that I am old-fashioned, that the world has changed since my youth. However, even as I look around, I don't see the world as being so different.

Am I being too harsh? Am I being too judgmental?

According to my family, I need a makeover: Several new looks I am considering for fall

A weekend or two ago, I decided to go shopping to pick up a few clothing items for fall. However, much to my chagrin, my wife decided to turn my solo shopping trip into a family outing. So, we piled into the car and off we went to my favorite haberdashery. Well, actually it was to Dillard’s in the local mall, but haberdashery sounds way more upscale, so we’ll stick with haberdashery for now.

Anyway, when we arrive at Dillard’s the haberdashery, and I begin selecting pieces I like, but everything I pick up my wife and kids veto. I select a pair of shoes, but according to them, I already own similar shoes only in different colors. In fact, my son points out that the pair of shoes I was holding that I really liked looked just like the pair I was wearing. I got the same response when selecting shirts and ties. And they really rolled their eyes when I attempted to choose clothing I considered casual.

Now, I believe that I stay fly, whether the look is business or casual. However, according to my family, my fly-osity is in question. According to my family I am stuck in a time warp; I have been wearing the same thing, only in different colors, for at least the last twenty years or so. They produced the family photo album as evidence.

And furthermore, they insisted that before I buy another article of clothing, I seriously consider trying new looks. But they could not agree on what that new look should consist of. My children could only agree that I should do away with the polo shirts and khaki’s on the weekend and go with something hipper.

My wife thought I should do away with the button downs and loafers and go with something more fashionable, more current. Additionally, she thought I should add some color to my wardrobe, and do away with the navy blues, grays, and blacks. In her words, she would like to see me dress a little sexier.

So, I have pulled together a number of looks. Some are looks that appeal to me, and others are looks that were suggested. Won’t you help me decide which I should choose?

The Skinny Jean Look

This was my daughter’s idea. I informed her that I work in a professional environment and jeans were frowned upon, but she produced this photo of the Jonas Brothers to suggest that skinny jeans could be dressed up with the addition of a few accessories and the right footwear. But there is one deep philosophical question that has dogged man since the introduction of skinny jeans: “If I squeeze my big behind in a pair of skinny jeans, are they then still considered skinny jeans?”. Mull that question over of a moment.

The Badass Professor Look

In response to my daughter’s pop inspired skinny jean look, my son thought that I should go for a more radical, angry black man look, and he tendered this photo of some internet personality known as “The Badass Professor.”

So, I’m checking out this look. Perhaps, I can deal with this; I already have the bald head and beard, though my beard is not as impressive as his. However, I would have to seriously alter my deportment. You have to have attitude when wearing a look like this if only to dissuade snickers and comments about the hot pink shoes.

The Lenny Kravitz Look

I asked my wife to articulate just what sexy consisted of. She instead ticked off a list of celebrities she considered sexy. And Lenny Kravitz appeared at the top of that list. I’m confused here. If a light-skinned brother with an afro is sexy, what do you think of me, a brown-skinned ball headed brother?

But I don’t think this look would work for me anyway. How long does it take him to get dressed in the morning? And above all, I don’t think I am creative enough to put together an outfit like this. Possibly I would have thought of the leather jacket with the faux fur collar, but I would never have thought to overlay that with a crocheted sweater and then accessorize the whole ensemble with pearls and other assorted necklaces. Fashion need not be this complicated.

The Don Cherry Look

Possibly this look would fulfill my wife’s desire to see me insert more color into my wardrobe. Canadian ice hockey commentator for CBC Don Cherry is known for his, umm, unique wardrobe in which he makes very creative uses of color. His fashion sense is so renown that sites exist for the sole purpose of tracking his unique fashion choices. Take a look at this site, Don We Now Our Gay Apparel. Bright colors play in the entertainment sphere, but how would they play in academia?

The Andre 3000 Look

Andre “Andre 3000” Benjamin has always been on the cutting edge of fashion. He seems to have this whole fashion thing down. As you can see from this photo collage, he can put together an outfit for any occasion. For those playful party times, I could wear the costume outfit from the top left wig and all. And because my chest would be bare, it would be considered sexy. As for the office, either of the outfits feathered on the right would do and these would fulfill the color requirement, plus I like to wear hats to keep the sun off my bald head. And the outfit on the bottom left could be worn on those casual days, though I suspect that I would sweat like a slave wearing this get up in Florida.

I’m leaning toward this look, but I have one more that I am seriously considering.

The Prince Rogers Nelson Look

I have been a long time Prince fan. In fact, the very first concert I attended alone was a Prince concert. But who can deny Prince’s superior, though unique, fashion sense?

When I showed the above photo to my wife, she informed me that I already had an outfit like this. She then went into our bedroom and returned with a pair of silk pajamas she bought me for Father’s Day a couple of years ago. She is such a kidder!

But this outfit has it all. It appears to be very comfortable, and I could wear it in situations calling for casual dress as well as situations calling for a more formal look. And you must admit, it is colorful and sexy. I just don’t know if they have those fly little boots in my size.

And in taking even further inspiration from the Prince Rogers Nelson book of fashion, how’s this look for those casual days around the office? I could change the Casual Friday game with this look! It is a perfect Casual Friday look for Florida where it is hot practically year round. And on those days when there is a little chill in the air, I could just throw on some leg warmers and a long purple trench coat without missing a beat.

The Greatest Man Perms of All Time: An Evolutionary History by Max Reddick

Believe it or not, as a child there was nothing I wanted more than a perm. Don’t judge me. Remember, I grew up in South Memphis where, during the 1970’s, everyone who was someone had a perm. Even the conservative Right Reverend Reddick had a perm.

Around the age of eight I began to petition Mother Reddick so that I might get one; however, Mother Reddick firmly believed that eight year olds did not get man perms. She said I had to wait until I was at least twelve. She was ultra-conservative that way.

But anyway, by the time I turned twelve, the classic man perm had fallen out of vogue, and everyone sported Jheri curls. Jheri curls are like perms, only wetter and messier. During this time I made a pact with a friend, a traditionalist like me, to not follow the Jheri curled masses and go back to the basic, traditional man perm. But he happened to get his man perm before I got my man perm, and after the other students made fun of him, I abandoned the plan altogether, leaving him to bear the ridicule on his own. He hasn’t spoken to be again to this day.

And, of course, I could not get a perm in the military, but I planned to get one the moment I got out. However, wouldn’t you know it, early male pattern baldness runs in my mother’s family, and I began to lose my hair early thereby thwarting my plans. A man perm with a big hole in it ain’t classy.

So, in my disappointment I turned to the study of man perms. Over the last twenty years, I have studied man perms extensively until I have emerged as an expert. And it is with that authority that I present you “The Greatest Man Perms of All Time: An Evolutionary History by Max Reddick.”

7. Little Richard (Richard Penniman)

Certainly, Little Richard did not invent the man perm, but he took it to new heights. He took it to places it might otherwise never have gone. And can you just imagine what Little Richard’s man perm has done and what it has seen? In fact, I am currently doing research for a new book: If This Perm Could Talk: The Life of Little Richard as Told by His Hair. It promises to be an instant best seller.

If Little Richard is nothing else, he is an originator and an innovator. According to Little Richard, American culture owes him recognition for inventing rock n' roll and any number of other things. I don't know about all that, but I do know he rocks a mean man perm, even to this day. And to those who don't agree, Shut up!

6. James Brown

Little Richard gave the man perm to the world; James Brown gave the man perm soul. Not only that, he made the man perm manly. But it is something I have been curious about all these years. In my studies of the man perm, I have watched hours and hours of James Brown performance tape, and I cannot figure out just how his perm stayed in place. I mean, he would give these spectacular performances, and five minutes into the performance he would be sweating like a slave, but his perm always stayed in tact.

Most regular perms would have frizzled at the edges or drawn up completely as the hair reverted to its natural state under the heat and moisture, but his did not. And now that he is gone he is not here to share his hair care secrets with the world. But of course everyone remembers the infamous James Brown Thunder Cat mugshot; however, this picture does nothing to cheapen his legacy. Everyone has a bad hair day.

5. Al Sharpton

Al Sharpton’s perm is a direct descendant of the James Brown school of man perms. In fact, Sharpton has often credited James Brown, his actual god father, as inspiring and encouraging his signature hair style.

But Sharpton’s man perm tale is actually the tale of two perms. You have the early Sharpton perm. The early Sharpton man perm was a huge, multi-layered affair he often sported with a jogging suit and a big medallion. I am not quite sure, but an overweight black man in a jogging suit is an oxymoron, isn’t it? But the big man perm and the big medallion seemed to match the larger than life persona Sharpton seemed to be working to cultivate at the time.

However, as Sharpton evolved, so did his man perm. As he moved into the mainstream, he lost weight, got rid of the jogging suits, and went for a more subdued, stream-lined man perm look. And it works for him.

More than anything else, Al Sharpton took the perm mainstream. He is still perhaps the only commentator you will find on mainstream news programs all permed out.

4. Superfly (Ron O’Neal)

The character of Superfly, portrayed by actor Ron O’Neal, perhaps predates Al Sharpton’s emergence as a public figure and man perm nation representative; however, he ranks ahead of Sharpton because of his innovation. Ron O’Neal single handedly sparked the innovation in man perms known as the “Jesus Perm.”

In the early to mid 1970’s, following Ron O’Neal’s lead, man perm wearers began to value length over volume. They began to eschew the large stacked perms of Little Richard, or the tightly curled, stiff perms of James Brown and Sharpton, and went with the long flowing locks, forever changing the man perm game.

However, later in life, unfortunately male pattern baldness caught up with Ron O’Neal too, and his long flowing locks became all but a distant memory. However, we thank him for his invaluable contribution to the game.

3. Prince

Prince, like Sharpton, is the tale of two perms. Early in his career, he followed the lead of Ron O’Neal and went with the Jesus Perm. And this fit his stage persona very well. Each night he would take the concert stage and give the crowd the show of their lives, wearing a long trench coat, knee high boots, and tiny, shiny bikini drawers.

But as he matured, so did his man perm. Now we see an older, more mature Prince, fully clothed and coifed with a shorter man perm style. And if I may be perfectly frank, Prince's hair often looks better than most women. However, his stage presence remains large, and his perm remains very much an important part of the act.

2. Snoop Doggy Dogg

Snoop Dogg represents the younger generation of the man perm enthusiasts. Before the arrival of Snoop, the art of the man perm was quickly dying out; however, Snoop revived the man perm and made it relevant again. If anything, Snoop should be considered a revolutionary, metaphorically speaking. He may have actually altered the course of history just by putting dangerous chemicals in his hair.

Snoop tore down the Berlin wall of men’s hairstyles, ended the apartheid of the ‘do, and sat in the front of the coif bus. Snoop’s man perm is a perm that commands attention; it’s almost as if he’s saying “Yeah, I probably sat in a chair for hours to get my hair to lay down like this. Yeah, it is womanly. But you know what? I scratched my head for an hour before I did this. Why? Because I’m the Snoop D-O double G. Chuch. ”

1. Tafari

Reader, Imma let you finish reading this post, but this is the greatest man perm of all time.

This is the postmodern perm, and it represents both the best and worst of the man perm game. First of all, while respectful to the existing man perm schools, the Little Richard/James Brown school and the “Jesus Perm” school, it embarks on a direction of its own. It charts its own course.

In the same instance, it reveals just how political the man perm game really is. Have you ever heard of Tafari? Exactly. That’s what I am trying to say. With a perm like that, Tafari should be a household name. Somewhere there should be a monument dedicated to this man and his contributions to the science of man perms, something like “A Shrine of the Immaculate Perm.”

Evidently, to get recognition for your man perm, you must be connected in some way to the world of entertainment. However, this is unfair to all those brothers in the street keeping the game alive and rocking the man perms despite what the world says.

The real loser in all this is the man perm game. Tafari has now left the man perm game and rocks the dreads. Also, currently he blogs at Tafari’s Mindspill and is an excellent photographer. Go check out his work at Photography by Tafari Stevenson-Howard.