Which Is the Most Outlandish Headline?: Woman Breastfeeds Family Pet or Palin Wins Presidency

Okay, I just got to weigh in on this one. On Saturday morning, I ran across this article about a lady who breastfeeds her dog, and then thought so much of the idea, she took the time to pen an article about it. Try as I might not to judge her, I still could not help but to think that this was perhaps the craziest thing I had ever heard. If it is not the craziest, certainly it makes the top ten.

But then just this evening, I happened over to W.E.E. See You, and there’s this article, complete with pictures and video footage, of former republican candidate for Vice-president, Sarah Palin, referring to crib notes written on her hand during a question and answer following her Tea Party Convention key note speech.

You know, at first I was mildly amused by this whole scenario. Then I was just a tad bit concerned. And now I am more than a little bit frightened.

This was the person who could have been just a heartbeat away from being president? This is the person who seems to still harbor presidential aspirations for the year 2012? And she derides President Obama for using a teleprompter?

Let me give you the long and the short of it. After the election, we all but dismissed her chances of ever becoming president. In fact, I really thought she would just fade into the sunset after all the post-election furor subsided. But she’s still here and more popular than ever.

However, it would seem unlikely that anyone with half a brain, anyone with any critical thinking skills and any capacity for abstract thought would see her for what she is—an interloper who managed to manipulate her fifteen minutes of fame into a full time gig. But she is still around like the energizer bunny and keeps going and going and going.

And from my empirical observation, if you tell the same lie enough times and with requisite emphasis, people will begin to believe it. If she and her right wing cronies repeat the patently false notion that she possesses the knowledge and experience and ability to lead this nation often enough, enough of our countrymen who are devoid of all critical thinking skills and capacity for abstract thought just might believe it all the way to the voting both to make it a reality.

Now a woman suckling the family pet at her teat may be weird, it may be outlandish, and it may be utter and abject foolishness, but it certainly does not shock and perplex me as does the continued relevancy of one Mrs. Sarah Palin.

GOP Nutz Watch Nutz Newz of the Week: Week Ending 07/10/2009

Let’s get to it. Shall we? Deez nutz won’t wait.

Well, this week’s edition could very well be entitled the Sarah Palin edition. That nut stayed in the news practically the whole week. Let’s take the time to examine this nut more closely.

The week began just as last week ended. Everyone was determined to find out just why she resigned. She gave two reasons. At least, I think she gave two reasons. It’s hard to follow her logic. First she stated that ugly rumors and attacks on her family were forcing her to resign. Ironically, after all the completely nutz charges she has made against President Obama, she called upon him to intervene. [See full story here.] There has been no word yet on President Obama’s reaction.

But then she went so far as to threaten to sue Huffington Post blogger Shannyn Moore. [See story here.] But of course her complaints really didn’t have any legal merit but were simply the byproduct of her penchant for overreacting, or as it’s better known in the African American community, drama. All she managed to do was blow up the blogger’s site.

Since I am an up and coming blogger and badly need the exposure, I got a rumor for y’all to help me put out there:

“It has been reported that a woman fitting the description of Alaska governor and former candidate for vice president Sarah Palin was recently seen entering a Memphis hotel room with African American blogger Max Reddick who blogs at soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com. Soon after the pair entered the room, witnesses report hearing the voice of a woman with a nasally, folksy accent scream out seemingly in the throes of passion, ‘Hit me with your stinger, you big, black, bald, beautiful Africanized honeybee of a man, while I check your last post at soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com. Later seen entering the room was a set of multiracial pageant contestant triplets wearing Prince Purple Rain concert t-shirts and pageant sashes that read ‘Ms. soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com’, a Shetland pony, and a midget with a camera affixed with a telephoto lens. Reportedly pictures of the whole affair are posted on Max Reddick’s site, soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com.”

Y’all put that out there for me and watch me blow up!

But continuing, she also singled out the many ethics complaints leveled against her as the major reason for her abrupt resignation. When asked what she would do if she was president and such charges arose, she stated that in that case the “Department of Law” would undoubtedly take care of them.

The Department of Law! There ain’t no Department of Law. She’s just plain nutz!

When she was further pressed for a reason for quitting, she stated simply that she quit because she was anything but a quitter. Huh? Is she trying to pull the Jedi mind trick on us? She’s nuttier that a fruitcake. And I hesitate to use that term because I don’t want to give fruitcakes a bad name.

But rather than continuing on Sarah Palin, I’ll let Keith Olbermann and David Letterman take us out:

And speaking of nutz (literally), let’s look at the GOP sex-capade sideshow.

The governor of South Carolina, Snifflin’ Sanford, seemingly got a pass when the South Carolina legislature forewent impeachment and simply decided to censure him. But that story might not be over yet as evidence surfaced that Snifflin’ Sanford may have used state employees to set up trips to visit his mistress. [Full story here.]

But embattled Nevada Senator John Ensign did not fare so well. This week it was revealed that his parents paid his former mistress almost $100,000 in hush money. However, a spokesman for the family stated that the money was only a gift. [Full story here.]

Let me tell you how I interpret this. John Ensign’s parents paid for him some booty. What swell parents. And to think Mom and Pop Reddick would not even help me with my student loans. Pop Reddick even went so far as to give the student loan people my new address and phone number.

And if the GOP nutz did not have enough problems already with race relations, this week they seemingly hit a new low.

First a top Young Republican official competing for the chairmanship of the Young Republicans laughs at a racial slur against President Obama during a forum on her Facebook page. And when others participating in the forum complained about the racist language, she promptly un-friended them so as to nullify their anti-racist voices. [Full story here.]

When confronted, she fell back on the old Sarah Palin defense—My political enemies are out to get me.

Then New York Congressman Peter King referred to Michael Jackson as a pervert, child molester, and pedophile in protesting the coverage given Michael’s death. Video follows.

Michael Jackson fans quickly came to his defense, though, and pledged to raise money to defeat King. [Full story here.]

And speaking of nutz named King (Are these two related?), Iowa Representative Steve King, in his bid to win the racist of the week award, cast the lone dissenting vote against the mostly symbolic resolution acknowledging the role of slave labor in the construction of the United States capitol. His reasoning? He fell back on that old racist standby excuse of protecting the Judeo-Christian values of this country. [Full story here.]

I know. I don’t get it either. At some time or another, people are going to get enough of wrapping their racist beliefs in the cloak of Christianity.

But as I close, I would be remiss if I did not mention that one of our own nutz escaped from the plantation this past week. Longtime D.C. politician and connoisseur of fine hookers and crack cocaine, Marion Barry, was arrested for stalking his former employee/love interest after she rebuffed his attempts at reconciliation.

I won’t go into the sordid details of the episode here, but you must check the following link for full coverage, perhaps more than you bargained for, of the whole episode. [See full story here complete with audio of his phone messages. And check the cover of publication covering the story.]

And that’s the GOP Nutz Watch nutz newz of the week.

*drops mike and exits the stage* [Yeah, I stole it from you Cunning_Linguist. But it’s mine now. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Ain’t you heard?]