This evening Charles J., a long time reader and frequent commenter, will act as guest host. In fact, he was such a frequent and fervent commenter that challenged him to have his own say in 750 words or less, and he responded.
Charles describes himself simply as a young, black male from Baltimore, Maryland, who is, above all else, enthusiastic, persistent and authentic .
Recently Charles was certified as a diversity practitioner, and he splits his time between consulting and facilitating discussions on diversity/inclusion issues and investing in real estate in the Baltimore metro area.
“I Wish I Could Love Every Girl in the World” are the eponymous lyrics from the new Lil Wayne song that is playing somewhere on the radio right now, and I can’t get it out of my head. I’m a 25 year old young black male and that pretty much sums up my group.
Marginalized for being born Black yet privileged for being born male, we young Black men have a huge inner conflict going on. Hmm, let’s see. Hyper-masculine, non-emotional, violent and useless baby making machines are the primary charges hurled at us daily. So what is our relationship to women? Two words: messed up!
I have a few thoughts…
Men but Not White Men… Black but Not Women
So, we’re men, and stereotypically we are supposed to be big, strong and not very good at expressing ourselves other than through sports, sometimes music, and sexual prowess. White dudes don’t get us fully but neither do Black women.
We are conditioned by society to get all the women we can and not allow ourselves to be hurt mentally or physically just like white guys, but we are talked about and downed by society for doing it. My question is what are Black men supposed to do with our emotions?
I've come up with a theory after listening to woman participating in a diversity training program. They explained that the roughhousing of men and young boys is actually just another form of aggression.
After listening to those statements, I thought as a man what can I do in public with ease and still be looked upon as a man—cry or fight? After easily picking fight, I came up with a theory that men are really allowed one emotion and that is aggression. And only being allowed one emotions can lead to women being abused (mentally and physcially) by their husbands/lovers etc. Okay, I know that may be a reach, but follow me for a few minutes.
My theory is that men abuse woman because the system (our society) deems that aggression is the only emotion that men, especially black men, can display so when we get upset/angry we can't discuss it because that's too girly. Men are told to let out your frustration in a few ways—fighting it out (fighting another man/ hitting a wall), smoking/drinking your hurt away, or taking it out on a woman (having sex to your frustration goes away).
So when a man gets frustrated or feels less than a man how can he feel in control or have some type of power? Can he talk about his feelings? Probably not or he will be called a punk or a sissy. Hmm, so that just leaves aggression. So...
- The wall gets punched,
- the E&J gets drank,
- the woman on the side gets slept with, or the strip club gets visited, and
- the wife that he loves who wants him to talk about his problem gets slapped for asking too many questions.
This leaves women, especially Black women, used and abused. Young black men are trying hard to find a way to relate and truly love the women in our lives, but we need to be taught correctly. If we start teaching our sons it is okay to express themselves in other ways, the will lessen the chances of our daughters becoming victims of assault by those she loves. This “boys will be boys” bull is old; let's try to think outside of the box.
Adjectives like caring/sensitve/thoughtful should be able to be applied to any gender, period. I guarantee if we start thinking outside of the box, we will have more fulfilled men and more secure women.
