At one time, I would go out of my way to help even perfect strangers. If I happened to come across someone, especially women with children, stranded on the side of the road because of mechanical problems, I would invariably stop and lend whatever assistance I could. I’ve even paid for to have more than one vehicle to be towed somewhere out of concern about the safety of the driver.
At one time, I was inclined to give perfect strangers rides, and when I passed people in the street asking for change, for just a little something to help out, I usually gave them what I could just in case they were indeed hungry despite friends and family warning me that it would was all a scam, that the money would only go towards drugs and/or alcohol.
But those days are long gone. Time, circumstance, and reality have colluded to transform me into a skeptical, sometimes cynical, individual. Reality has gotten such that I now must carefully consider the situation and weigh the risks before extending a helping hand to strangers.
When did we slip into such a dark morass? When did it become such that we could not even help each other out?
As I made my way from my classroom to my car yesterday evening after completing my last class, I noticed a young black male who approached the groups of remaining students as they discussed their day or their plans for the weekend or whatever it is undergrads discuss these days.
As he made his way from one group to another, his blackness stood in stark contrast to the other students around him, and I then realized that he and I were seemingly the only two persons of color present on this section of the campus.
And as he drew closer, I realized that he was seeking a ride, that he was trying to determine if someone was going his way and would be willing to help him out.
And the responses he received ranged from polite refusal to downright contemptuous indignation. I quickly recognized, as did he by the crestfallen, defeated look on his face, that his efforts were futile; no ride was forthcoming.
But then he saw me standing there looking on, and his whole countenance changed to a look first of recognition, then relief. Not that I knew this student, mind you, or had ever taught him, but perhaps he could not help but recognize the familial resemblance.
As he approached, I sized him up. I noted the raggedy, unkempt dreads, the gold teeth, the sagging pants. I also noted the book bag which was relatively empty in comparison to the bulging, over-filled, first week of school backpacks and book bags of the other students. It made me wonder if he was indeed a student or one of those characters who seem to hang around every college campus even though they are not students and have not aspirations of being such.
So, when he finally asked, I firmly but politely said no. However, I was disarmed by the look of disdain that spread suddenly across his face. Or was it an expression of hurt? Or was it hurt disguised as disdain? I could not tell in the moment. But to assuage my guilt, I fished ten dollars out of my pocket and informed him of when I thought the next bus would depart. He responded with a rather disdainful look, almost a sneer (I was sure of it this time), murmured a spiteful thank you, and departed.
In the meantime, I lamented the fact that I may have missed the opportunity to help someone. I may have missed the opportunity to be a blessing to someone. Yet, I do not regret my decision at all. It is possible that this young black man may have indeed been a college student, a young man of color trying to get through school the best way he could just as I once was. Or he could have been someone searching for a victim.
Perhaps I will never know. When I return to campus, I’ve made a note to keep an eye out for him, to determine if someone else knows him, knows of him, and if he does turn out to be a student, lend him whatever assistance I can to increase his chances of being successful. That is, if he was not dissuaded by the whole turn of events.
I do have one regret; I regret that we have gotten to such a place that we can no longer even trust each other enough to lend a helping hand every now and then.
