Lord of the Flies Greatest Hits

Our Brother President Obama was all over the news this week for swatting a fly. Evidently someone found that newsworthy. Last night, Rachel Maddow made light of the ridiculousness of it all. Enjoy.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And the science behind it all (I hope my tax dollars didn’t pay for this.):

What Is this Guy Overcompensating for?

Epic Frisk Fail

I’ll not provide any commentary. This video speaks for itself. Just listen closely.

Shia LaBeouf: I Watched My Parents Have Sex

I was going to save this one for tomorrow morning, but foolishness like this just won’t wait that long.

Huffingtonpost reports that in his interview with Parade magazine, Transformers star Shia LaBeouf states that the source of his humor is from “seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked[.]”

::stopping for a minute to find something kind to say::

Uhh, okay. I guess.

What kind of perverse humor does he have? I once accidentally glimpsed by mom in a pair of white granny panties, and I had to miss two whole days of school.

I am forever amazed at the things we do to our kids. My first inclination was to shake my head and say “white people,” but we do some horrible things to our children as well. I’m not sure if we are having sex in front of them, but I have more than a few cousins who think nothing of blazing up right there in front of junior.

Well, I hope Shia doesn’t take the Robert Downey, Jr. route, but after seeing the things he has seen, I can truly see no other course.

Recalling Booty Calling [Anniversary Repost]

For this post, I’d like to take a few brief minutes to discuss a subject that is perhaps taboo in some circles but nonetheless relevant to all. I’m talking about the booty call.

I started thinking about this a few weeks ago when my wife was out of town for an extended amount of time. But wait before you begin to accuse me of anything untoward; I did not break out the rolodex and try my luck. Read on before you judge.

After my wife departed, it didn’t take long for me to begin to miss her. Then as time wore on, I began to really miss her. And as the day of her return approached, the anticipation and the longing began to build. She arrived home late, and when she came through the door, it was on! It’s said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But that’s not the only thing absence achieves.

But what does all that have to do with booty calls? I’m getting there.

You see, I’ve been married now going on seventeen years. And, I might add, happily married. I don’t miss much about the bachelor life, but every now and then I do find myself missing those old booty call days.

Now before you start tsk-tsk-tsking and shaking your head, allow me to finish. I’m not talking about the vulgar, opportunistic dialing-for-dollars booty call. You know the one. You strike out at the club. Or at a party. Or wherever your most fertile hunting ground might have been, so you just spin through your rolodex, hoping against hope that you get lucky.

No, no, no! I’m talking about the more refined and socially acceptable classic booty call. Let me set up this scenario for you. You go out with the guys (or vice-versa), and the whole time you find yourself not really enjoying yourself. You just can’t get into it. You just go through the motions. Usually by this time your boys (or girls) have picked up on it. They notice your morosity and begin to tease you unmercifully about it.

Finally and mercifully, it’s time to end the charade and go home. On the drive home you give her (or him) a call just to let her know you’re thinking about her (or him) and missing her (or him). But wait! She (or he) confesses that they were thinking about you and miss you too as much as you miss them, if not moreso. They state that they have been tossing and turning for hours attempting to will themselves to sleep but to no avail. Furthermore, she (or he) suggests that you come right on over right now.

Of course, you demur, but she (or he) insists. “It’s three o’clock in the morning,” you protest, but still she (or he) insists. What the hell? You change your course and head straight for your baby’s house, all the while desperately attempting to not break any traffic laws in the process.

Now, that’s what I miss. I miss missing the one I love. We really don’t get a let of time apart except those times we are at work, or in a late meeting, or unless one of us has to go out of town. We’re always in each other’s hair. But I’ve got some ideas how to work this thing out. It’s time that I get creative and create my own opportunities for booty calling.

Foolishness I came across while I was wasting time

This is the first time I became aware of Chris Rock. This scene is hilarious.

What do you think?

The Great Chicken Riot of 2009

Hold up! Stop the damn presses!

I was just getting ready to shut it down for the night. So I decided to check out my blogroll while I wound down. Then I found this gem over on What Would Thembi Do?, and I knew I had to say something before I went to bed.

It seems that Popeye's Chicken offered a nationwide special for Earth Day, yet a franchise in Minnesota decided not to participate in the promotion. So what happened? The Minnesotan negroes went bezerk, that's what. I shit you not. There was damn near a riot. Over fried chicken? IN THE AGE OF OBAMA?

I'm at a loss for words. If I had not seen it for myself, I would not have believed it. Where do we go from here people?

I’m Getting Soft Y’all

In my old age I’m getting soft and used to my necessary comforts.

Take for instance this afternoon. After getting out of a meeting, I got in my car and turned the ignition. Nothing. Not a sound. I tried again. Again nothing. The third time did not prove to be the charm either.

So what did I do? I simply got out, whipped out my blackberry to call AAA, and headed for the air-conditioned comfort of the building. Before I was halfway there and as I was waiting for AAA to pick up (must have been a number of other lazy knuckleheads out there today), an image of my dad shaking his head and tsk-tsk-tsk-ing popped into my head. Negro, at least shake the battery cable. Do something before you give in the voice chided me.

So, back to my car I went. I popped the hood and guess what? A cable was loose. I’m puzzled as to how it got loose, but it was loose nonetheless. I got back in, turned the key, and the car started right up. My point?

Back in the day it would have not gone down like this. First of all, even if cell phones were available, I would not have been able to afford one. And I certainly would not have had AAA. Hell, I didn’t even have car insurance. I just drove around with my fingers crossed. So, I would have gotten out and done whatever it took to get my car started and get on down the road.

I don’t know. Maybe this is progress. Maybe I should be grateful that I’m blessed to have a back-up plan. Maybe I’m just too old to still be living by my wits as I was then. But still, I should have at least tried first. My dad would have. My uncles would have. And at one time, I would have.

I’m just glad my son was not there to witness my foolishness.