Love Don't Love Nobody: Love, Respect, Marriage, and Tiger Woods

It takes a fool to learn

Yes sir

That love don’t love nobody

-- Love Don’t Love Nobody, The Spinners

Typically men are logical creatures and women are emotional. Love is an emotional word whereas respect deals with logic. -- @Luvologist

When the news of Tiger Woods’s automobile accident first broke, I thought that perhaps I would be writing about it soon. As bits and pieces of the story emerged, things just didn’t add up, and I began to have serious doubts about the official version of events. However, I held back writing my piece simply because I really disdain dealing in rumors. So, in writing this piece, though it seems our man Tiger may be in the wrong, I still reserve judgment until the complete truth emerges.

And, furthermore, I really don’t like to make essentialist claims like women do and think this way or men do and think this way; however, in discussing this issue with my wife and her very opinionated sisters as well as other women, I find that women and men differ in how they view this incident; for the most part, women seem genuinely shocked and outraged by his actions while men don’t find it all that shocking at all. And I think the difference can be explained by how men and women view relationships; it is a question of what is thought to be most important and valued—love or respect.

Allow me to attempt to explain by positing this analogy. There is a scene from one of Eddie Murphy’s old movies, Boomerang, in which the character played by Murphy arrives home early in the morning after spending the night with an old lover. He tries desperately to explain himself to his present live-in lover, who is played by Halle Berry, but she, of course, is livid and is hearing nothing he has to say.

Finally in desperation, Murphy’s character pitifully looks her in the eye and says, “But baby I love you.” And Berry’s character responds, “Then love should have brought you home last night.” *Cue Toni Braxton singing “Love Soulda Brought You Home”*

Usually at this point in the film, I skip around trying to find the scenes with Strangé; she makes my blood boil. But this is what I am trying to get across: I don’t think Berry’s character is completely wrong in her assessment. Yes, love should have brought him home, but love alone is not enough. Love means nothing if one party does not respect the other.

If I may, I will use my own experience as an example. Perhaps, I am wrong about this whole thing because my own experience stands in the way. But at this point, I have been married to my wife for almost eighteen years. And I dearly love my wife. In fact, I am absolutely crazy about her. Not a day goes by that I don’t have to stop and ask myself, what manner of root has this woman done put on me?

And in that almost eighteen years, I have not once been unfaithful to my wife. But that is not to say that I have not had the opportunity to engage in an extramarital affair or even been tempted because many times I have. Many times I have had to make the decision to either stay or go home, and the one factor driving my decision was never love, but respect.

I respect the person my wife is, and I respect her accomplishments so much so that I would never put her in a position to be ridiculed. I would never want to be the reason people are laughing and talking behind her back. I would never want to do anything to erode the respect others have for her.

Not only that, what about my self-respect? My grandfather said at one time that each time a man lies down with a woman, and vice versa, each gives up something in the exchange. And I believe that my wife and I have a mutual respect for one another. And furthermore and perhaps most importantly, I believe I enjoy the unquestioned respect of my children. What would happen to that respect if it were to be revealed that I had engaged in any number of sordid affairs which were documented by explicit text messages and voicemails? I don’t have the millions at stake like Tiger Woods; all I have is respect, and because I am a poor man, that respect is even that much more valuable.

So, if Tiger is guilty of what it is purported that he is guilty of, he probably only now realizes the depth of his folly. Perhaps, only now does he realize that not only does he stand to lose millions of dollars and his family, but he also stands to lose the respect he has worked so hard to cultivate. And perhaps over time, he will build his earning capacity back up. Perhaps, over time his wife and family will return. After all, everything seemed to work out for Kobe Bryant. But it will be a much longer stretch of time before he is able to win back the world’s respect.

Do you thing men and women view love and relationships differently? What do you believe is most important to a relationship—love or respect?

The Max Reddick Commonsense Guide for Cheating Husbands

Man, it’s late, and I am tired, dog tired, but I need to bang out this post before morning. I should have gotten it done a long time ago, but I got caught up in some drama. Somebody else's drama.

You see, I’m sitting here minding my own business, working on my next post and watching Mark Sanford and his foolishness on cable news, when there is a knock on the door. It’s my trifling behind frat brother, and he’s crying like a baby. He sounds like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.

Coincidentally, again he’s been caught cheating. I’m listening to him and trying to be sympathetic, but it’s hard. This is an on-going thing. He cheats. He gets caught. He comes crying to me like I’m some kind of negro Dr. Phil. He hangs around me, worrying the absolute ish out of me until his wife takes him back, and then a few months later, the cycle starts anew.

This has got to be the last time. I’m sick of it, and my wife is starting to look at me like I’m tipping out too. At the very least, she thinks I’m condoning his behavior by allowing him to run over here every time he gets caught. And my children have begun referring to him as “Daddy’s friend who always gets caught cheating.”

And the ways these guys always get caught is stupid. They are simply not using commonsense. I am not a cheater, but I do have some measure of commonsense. So, in honor of Governor Sanford and my trifling frat brother, I’ve put together The Max Reddick Commonsense Guide for the Cheating Husband based on my frat brother’s experiences.

The Max Reddick Commonsense Guide for the Cheating Husband

1. Before you get home from your tryst, check the vehicle for any evidence.

Frat, I think you were set up on this one. How else would that woman’s panties end up in the glove compartment of your car? She wanted you to get caught. Besides that, if you clutter up your glove compartment with assorted women’s panties, where will you keep your gloves? But this one leads us to my next point…

2. Don’t use the family car to ride your tart around in.

First of all, why would you want to ride your h--, excuse me, that woman of questionable virtue around in the same car your wife and children use? That’s just foul. And there are some sanitary questions that arise, too.

I know your old-school Volvo station wagon ain’t sexy, but the family minivan is only a step up, even if it is brand new.

3. If you are doing wrong, and you know you are doing wrong, keep a low profile.

I know you’re still curious as to just who told on you when you took your woman on the side and her loud behind, bad behind kids to the county fair, so I’ll give you a clue. It’s the county fair! Anyone in this county and any other county within driving distance is a likely suspect.

4. Don’t leave a paper trail.

You may have been able to explain away the restaurant charges on the credit card statement, but there is no way you can explain the check to the utility company to keep your girl’s lights on. I’m beginning to think you want to get caught! And if you are such a baller that you can afford to pay other folks' bills, I got some you can take on.

5. Don’t leave a written record.

What's with you guys having to express yourself in writing? You're cheating! You don't want any evidence that can be used against you later.

Don’t send any incriminating notes of affection or long sappy love letters via e-mail, text, twitter, or carrier pigeon. Don’t you know that stuff is stored electronically somewhere, and invariably it will come back to bite you at the least convenient time? That goes for written correspondence as well.

6. If you are going to cheat, cheat up.

Your wife is absolutely beautiful. I can’t figure out why you would want to tip out on her anyway. But if I seemed just a little distracted when I saw you and your lady friend at The Landing, that’s because I was. With those braids, she looked like one of those creatures from the movie Predator. And in case she was one of those creatures, I was trying to remember what they did in the movie to defeat them in case it was left to me to save the world.

7. Just do the right thing.

Each time you get caught, not only are you risking losing your family. You are risking losing their respect as well. Your wife told my wife that the only reason she keeps allowing you to return anyway is the children. But how much longer will that hold true?

Not only that, the next time you come over here boo-hoo crying, it may be because she decided to turn the tables and tip out on you. Can your fragile little ego handle that?

And with that, I leave you with Johnny Taylor’s Whose Making Love to Your Old Lady(While You Are Out Making Love)?

The Freaky-Deaky Exploits of the Moral Minority

Today, GOP senator John Ensign of Nevada admitted to an affair with a family friend and staffer.

Normally, I would not have even cared. Senator Ensign’s affair is his business. I believe that we too often pay too much attention to the private lives of public figures and government officials. Obviously, Senator Ensign, his wife, and family have some things they need to work through.

However, what Senator Ensign claims to stand for obligates me to say something.

This is the same Senator Ensign that denounced President Clinton’s affair as embarrassing and insisted that he resign. This is the same Senator John Ensign that called Republican Senator Larry Craig a disgrace and called for him too to resign after Craig was arrested for allegedly soliciting sex in an airport restroom in Minnesota. This is the same Senator Ensign that actively campaigned for the Federal Marriage Amendment which sought to define marriage as a union between one man and one woman and who defined marriage as sacred. And yes, it is the same Senator Ensign who expressed aspirations to run for president in 2012.

And now Senator Ensign admits to an affair with the wife of a friend and staffer. In other words, he slept with his friend’s wife. And it appears he wouldn’t even have come clean if it had not been for someone attempting to use the affair to blackmail him.

When you are quick to pronounce judgment on others, make sure your own house is in order.

Should the private lives of government officials be so closely scrutinized?