Wanted: Press secretary for God. No references needed. We know your heart.

I realize that God is all-powerful and all-knowing. I cannot understate the importance of these attributes for any supreme being. And I do recognize and acknowledge my whole insignificance in the grand scheme of things. However, I would just like to drop a quick suggestion in the celestial suggestion box.

It is my suggestion that God gain the employ of a good spokesman or press secretary because the things being said and done in Her or His name are getting more and more outlandish. It seems that when those purporting to be God’s folk step in front of a microphone in front of a camera, the mainline connection to the throne room gets a little fuzzy, and they say anything that comes to their heads.

Of course, people with good, common sense recognize the absolute absurdity of these words and deeds, but the present reality is that common sense is not so common anymore. But let’s catalogue just a few of the words and deeds I’m speaking of.

No one could possibly forget when shortly following the earthquake that practically leveled Haiti, Pat Robertson proclaimed Haiti’s misfortune to be caused by a centuries old “pact with the devil” made by Haiti’s founders. This would be a shocking, repugnant statement no matter whose mouth it originated from, but coming from Pat Robertson it was that much more atrocious.

Pat Robertson is supposed to be tight with God. After all, among other things he is the founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN), host of the influential Christian broadcast The 700 Club, and a leading spokesmen for Christian conservatism.

But how is Robertson privy to this information? How does he know about the pact? Perhaps, the devil told him first hand over lunch or while golfing, but he should have known not to believe the devil. He knows how the devil lies.

And do you remember last month when South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer compared people on public assistance to stray animals? He stated that the government should stop providing assistance to these people for the simple fact that if you continue feeding them, they will breed. After hearing his remarks, it suddenly became plain to me why the state congress is reluctant to get rid of Governor Mark Sanford; this clown would then take over.

However, I was still shaking my head at these and Pat Robertson’s remarks when Virginia State delegate Bob Marshall stood up on this past Thursday and stated unequivocally and unapologetically that disabled children are God’s punishment to women who aborted their first pregnancy.

This statement alone is cringe inducing, but of course he went on to reference Old Testament Biblical teaching to qualify his remarks: "In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.

Now, I’m no fan of abortion [You can read my views of abortion here.], but suddenly I wondered if there was anything like a late-life abortion or a retroactive abortion available to rid us of idiots like this. And he made these remarks in his capacity as a representative of the state of Virginia and of God; in doing so, he poorly represented both.

I’m just so sick and tired of the excessive and obsessive moralizing. And you know it all has nothing at all to do with God; it is all political. However, politicians have realized what many hustlers and other species of chiselers have known for quite some while; you can get any number of people to believe anything, no mater how outrageous or preposterous, if you just invoke the name of God.

So, God, I have been trying to expose these charlatans with all my strength, but no one seems to be listening to me. It just might be time to bring in a professional.

Public Service Advisory: Would the Following People Just Please STFU!

You know what I hate the most, what really chafes my behind? I absolutely abhor people who just won’t shut up. And it seems that the people who make the least sense, those spouting and espousing the most non-sensical BS are the ones who are always doing all the talking.

But usually, I am a laid back, mellow kind of fellow, and the BS doesn’t get to me. I just shake my head and move on. From time to time when the BS gets too deep, however, I will take the time to address it.

And since President Obama’s presidential campaign began in earnest last summer, the BS from the right, and sometimes from the left, has piled up wide and deep. From time to time I have addressed it, especially when it became such that I just could not ignore it.

This week the BS continued unabated, but at this point it has gotten so absolutely foolish, they I feel I must call for a BS timeout. I must call for some people to just STFU and give us all a break for just a minute. So, could the following people please just STFU for the time being:

Michael Steele, you make less and less sense as you go along For the record, I believe that for our political system to work for African Americans we must be represented across the political spectrum. In other words, it does no good for African Americans to commit fully to either party; that is tantamount to putting one’s eggs in one basket. We must make our voices heard from the right and the left.

However, African Americans on the right, and left for that matter, must not commit to just merely regurgitating the political bile you are fed, but instead be committed to truth. And from time to time, Michael Steele has slipped and told the truth, but political exigency has caused him to have eat his words.

Anyway, this week began with Steele demanding the ouster of Senate majority leader Harry Reid because of his remarks that because President Obama was light-skinned and he did not use “the Negro dialect,” he would make a formidable presidential candidate. According to Steele and his cronies on the right, this remark was racist in nature, right up there on par with Trent Lott’s seeming endorsement of a segregationist candidate and platform.

But if Steele was honest with himself and with the rest of us, he would be able to admit the truthfulness of Reid’s statement. What made Reid’s statement so remarkable was his use of antiquated language which proves only that culturally he is quite out of touch.

But to attack Reid but say nothing of the largely racist rhetoric which has become part and parcel of the right’s efforts to regain relevancy decries a certain lack of sincerity. Michael Steele, your own party has little or no respect for you, and as time goes on, you become simply a caricature, a big joke. Do yourself and the rest of the country a favor and just STFU.

Rush Limbaugh is not a racist; he just plays one on TV I had a debate with one of my African American conservative friends concerning whether or not Limbaugh is actually a racist. But does it even matter if he is a racist or not when the racist rhetoric he constantly espouses reaches so many and does little more than reify and concretize the boundaries of race that keep us apart and prevent real progress.?

To tell you the truth, I don’t think he even believes half the bile that issues forth from that vile orifice he calls a mouth, but when you are getting filthy rich from little more than reinforcing the racist views of a handful of ignorant bigots, why not?

But to maintain this racist, bigoted persona even in the face of remarkable human tragedy and suffering is morally despicable. And to go so far as to discourage your viewers from not contributing to the rescue and recovery effort should earn you a special place in hell.

However, I am most disappointed that no one from the right, no one from the party that claims to represent morality and Christian values even bothered to come out against you. So, Rush, until you assume your proper place amid the fire and brimstone of hell, I wish you would just give us all a break and just STFU!

What Would Jesus Do (WWJD), Pat Robertson? Speaking of Christian values, what values were on display when 700 Club founder and pastor Pat Robertson blamed Haiti’s misfortune on a “pact with the devil” the country made hundreds of years ago so that it might throw off the shackles of slavery and gain its independence from France?

When I heard this clip, what I actually interpreted Robertson’s remarks to mean is that “those Negroes had the unctuous audacity to insist on being free and then to take their freedom by force, and they are now paying the price for their refusal to be slaves.” Or maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

If, in fact, Haiti made a deal with the devil, it was throwing in its lot with the United States and allowing the United States so much influence in the political processes of the country.

Anyway, this is not the first time Pat Robertson has been in violation. Every now and then he says something off the wall that simply links him to a long line of racists who wrap themselves in the flag of Christianity.

My greatest hope is that Black Jesus will reveal himself to Pat Robertson in that moment before he enters into eternity; spending eternity with the image of Black Jesus burned into his subconscious is hell enough for Robertson, but right now I just wish he would STFU!

Honorable Mention: William Jefferson Clinton, please step forward and explain yourself Before we were interrupted by the catastrophe in Haiti, we spent the first days of this past week debating the meaning and import of Senator Reid’s remarks. However, no one seemed to pay any real attention to the remarks of our purported first black president, William Jefferson Clinton, that at one time then presidential candidate Obama would be bringing him and Ted Kennedy coffee.

This remark could be interpreted one of two ways. It could just mean that because of Senator Obama’s relatively newness to the senate, he would be beholden to them as senior members. Or it could mean that that uppity Negro has seemingly forgotten his place.

Despite the notion that Clinton has done so much to help black folk, if his record were critically examined, you would find that his contributions to African Americans have been little more that symbolic gestures.

And given he and his wife’s seemingly racially derogatory remarks during the darkest days of her campaign, I think he should be pressed to come forward and provide an explanation of his remarks. Until he does, he can just STFU!