Another Baby Daddy Dilemma

It is perhaps an age old story—good girl falls for the wrong guy.

As I sat in a colleague’s office, one of our other colleagues came in all in a huff needing to discuss her “man” problems. Well, that’s what she called her problems anyway. I think the problem is one with her.

Just a little background. This is a very beautiful, very well put together, very intelligent college educated women who somehow got hooked up with one of the most deplorable, sorry excuses for a man she could find. For the last seven years or so, he has been in and out her life, causing absolute havoc.

Well, she finally found someone who treats her very well, and they seemed to be making a go of it. But then, “Heeeee’s back!” Here comes Mr. Nobody bringing with him his own brand of foolishness, and suddenly her new man is not so wonderful anymore.

As my two colleagues talked, I sat and just listened. Since they did not invite me into the conversation, I opted to remain silent. But here’s what I would have told her had she asked, listed by the points she brought up.


The thing that won’t go away.

Okay, so he’s your baby’s daddy. But he is a daddy in name only. He doesn’t provide any support, financial or otherwise, and he doesn’t spend any time with his child. When is the last time he has even seen her?

He has cheated on you, stolen from you, and abused you both physically and mentally.

And every so often, he shows back up just as you’ve gotten you life back on track after his last visit and are doing well, and then suddenly your life is in shambles again. Face it. This guy is a blackhead on the behind of humanity.

Do yourself a favor. Cut all ties to this guy if you are really and truly serious about being happy and building a better life for you and your daughter. He is contributing nothing because he has nothing to contribute. Like the old saying goes, “You can do bad all by yourself.”


But my new man is so boring!

Just listen to yourself. First you complain about all the drama of the relationship with your baby’s daddy, then you complain about the lack thereof. Perhaps you are addicted to drama. Perhaps abject foolishness turns you on.

So he spends a lot of time reading and studying. Is that such a bad thing? He’s a law student! He has to read and study. So he isn’t excitable and doesn’t lose his temper. I don’t get this one. He doesn’t ever lose his temper? What’s so bad about that?

And what’s so bad about him always wanting to talk about the relationship and his feelings? Would you prefer that he goes upside your head in a drunken, drug-induced rage?

I would think that at this point you would welcome this lack of drama, especially since your daughter is getting older.


And he doesn’t put it down in bed like my baby’s daddy.

Well, perhaps, he just doesn’t get as much practice as your baby’s daddy does. When you have no job and nothing to do all day, you have more than enough time to perfect your sex game. And what about that little gift he left the last time he cruised on through; you know you’ll never get rid of that, but according to the commercial, it can be controlled if you take that medication properly.

I do know, however, how important sex is to any relationship, but in the same instance, a relationship cannot be based on sex alone. It seems that if this relationship is important to you, you’ll try to work that thang out. Buy some self help books. Invest in some how to videos. I see these things are Barnes and Nobles all the time. Try Amazon. I don’t know, try that Tantric stuff. I’ve heard people say good things about it.


Girl, he ain’t bringing home enough money.

Well, you baby’s daddy ain’t had a job since you’ve known him. You’ve been supporting him for years. Did it make a difference how much he was making then?

Plus, you are being too short-sighted. You are thinking in the now, but have you thought about the future? This man, your new man, is a stellar student at one of the best law schools in the country. Yeah, he might be short of cash now, but in the near future, he’s going to be clocking the major figures. I’ve seen the recruitment letters he’s received.

Be there for him now, and he will be there for you and your daughter later.


But everybody says that he is so ugly.

Who are these everybodys? Do you think he’s ugly” Was he ugly when he stepped to you, and you gave him the digits? Was he that ugly when you invited him home the first time?

I guarantee you, without a shadow of a doubt, some of those everybodys calling him ugly, will be all over him like a cheap suit the minute you let him go. Think for yourself!


But I saw it in your eyes. You are looking for any excuse to go back to your no good baby’s daddy. But that’s all right. It’s your life. I thought I’d just weigh in because I’m so tired of hearing you complain about the things your baby’s daddy does. But keep in mind; people will take you only as far as you let them.

You’ve got a good man now, and I’m not saying this simply because he’s frat. Take time to let this relationship run its course. If it works, wonderful; if it does not, move on. But by all means, it’s time to use your head and begin making better decisions.

Do you know someone in a similar predicament? What advice would you give them?