What's In a Name?: Does It Really Matter What We Name Our Children?

Okay, enough is enough. Someone has to say something; this thing is getting out of hand.

A month or so ago, the above video had the black blogosphere all abuzz. Because two little snotty white boys did it, questions of racism were raised. However, perhaps this video is not all that off the mark.

I’m sitting here looking at an enrollment roster from an inner-city public school. And it appears that we have gone from just plain making up ish to name our children to naming them just any old thing that comes to mind. We are especially partial to expensive goods in the public marketplace or anything that sounds exotic.

But there are some things you just shouldn’t name your kids. For instance, unless you envision your sweet little baby girl becoming a stripper or a porn star, you should not name her Aphrodisiac. That’s not a good idea no matter how creatively you spell it.

And naming your twin boys Cadillac and Caviar might have seemed particularly clever at the time, but you should have passed on that idea. What kind of name is Casino? Or Gucci for that matter. Perhaps you should just stay away from expensive designer items, expensive cars, expensive foods, or anything that sounds exotic but for which you don’t know the meaning, like Diablo. That means devil in Spanish. I’m not sure if you want that label on your child. Or Capricious either for that matter.

Also, if you are going to name your children names like Precious or Glorious or Exquisite, make sure you also try to teach them to behave before they get to school. There is nothing that puzzles me more than children with such names whose behavior is completely antithetical to what their name suggests.

Finally, when choosing the spelling for your child’s name, please at least attempt to follow the spelling conventions of the English language, or any language for that matter. You can’t get mad at me for pronouncing Jamielle Ja-mi-elle even if you pronounce it like Jamal. There is no way I could have known that from looking at the spelling.

You might say I’m being a little bourgeois about this, but I happen to think that what you name your child matters in the long run. Studies have been done about this.

Not too long ago, a study was done in which study participants submitted two resumes with comparable qualifications to a Fortune 500 company. One resume used one of those made-up or cleverly spelled names we seem to prefer, while the other resume used a more recognizable, mainstream name. Who got the callback?

Invariably it was those whose names were more recognizable and mainstream. The resumes with the made-up or cleverly spelled names were virtually ignored even when, according to their resumes, they were more qualified and/or had more experience.

I know. My sister already pointed it out to me. Names on resumes could just be another racist means of sorting out minority applicants. And I do realize and concede this point. But at this point in time, that is the reality.

I do realize that it is every parent’s right to choose a name for their child. And I do realize that we would like our children to stand out from the crowd. And this is not a bad thing. I’m just saying that in naming our children, we should be more judicious and keep in mind that they will not remain children for long.

Someday they will be adults, and in the long run, a name does matter.

What do you think? Do names really matter?