Okay, yesterday I got off work just a little bit early. I was feeling good; I had a very productive day and now I had a little extra free time.
So, I’m driving home listening to Bootsy Collins and thinking of that new bottle of Courvoisier under the cabinet when traffic just suddenly stopped. The cars were only moving a few feet every few minutes. When I finally made a little progress, I saw policemen ahead directing traffic, so I naturally assumed there was a wreck ahead. But when I gained a good vantage point to finally see what was happening, I was absolutely floored.
It was absolute chaos. Traffic attempting to get into Kentucky Fried damn Chicken was backed up into the street. The bank parking lot next door to KFC was filled with KFC customers as was the Burger King parking lot on the opposite side. People were walking up, riding up on bicycles, even on skateboards. KFC was already filled with people, and the crowd was spilling out into the parking lot. There were so many people milling about that it looked like a negro version of Dawn of the Dead.
When I finally got home, I heard a report on the news that there had been problems in some parts of the city when KFC ran out of chicken. The problems evidently didn’t reach the level of The Great Chicken Riots of 2009 which took place on Earth Day, or the local press played them down, but I got it from reliable eyewitnesses that negroes got plenty crunk.
Now my people, I enjoy chicken as much as the next fellow. Chicken, no matter how its prepared, is one of the tastiest treats there is. And the tastiest chicken is free chicken. But there is no need for this. Let’s all just take a second, stand back and take a deep breath. This is the third time within the space of a month that steeply discounted or free chicken has caused us to act like a motherfucking fool. It don’t take all that.
I’m not quite sure what Oprah had in mind with this promotion or how much she got paid, but next time she gives away something free and offers it to the whole nation, I hope she at least takes a moment to contemplate how her actions might effect the populous, especially her people.